When Faith Gets Pushed to the Edges of Family Life

You can love God deeply, want your children to know Him, and still look up one day and realize that faith has gotten pushed to the edges of your family life.

It usually doesn't happen because you've made some conscious decision to put God last. Life gets full. Mornings become a race to get everyone out the door. Afternoons are homework, practices, appointments, and errands. By bedtime, everyone is tired. You meant to pray together. You meant to have that conversation. You meant to open the Bible.

Tomorrow, you tell yourself.

Then tomorrow looks a lot like today.

After a while, something that was supposed to be part of the everyday rhythm of your home has become something you mostly do on Sunday.

If you've recognized your family in that description, the answer isn't to pile another expectation onto yourself. Before you decide you need a better devotional, a stricter routine, or one more thing on the family schedule, there is a more important question to consider: Where has faith become less intentional in your home?

I've been thinking about that question as I've read Daniel 9.

Daniel had been studying the words of the prophet Jeremiah when he realized that what God had spoken years before was unfolding around him. Jerusalem was desolate, and God's people had wandered far from Him. Daniel didn't look away from what he saw, and he didn't stop at observations about what everyone else had done wrong.

Daniel 9:3 tells us what he did next:

“So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting...”

He turned to God. Those few words reach right into our homes today. When we recognize that something is off spiritually, our first instinct may be to fix it. Daniel shows us a better place to begin. First, we need to see clearly where we are. Then we turn toward God.

Pay Attention to the Pattern

There is a difference between having an unusually difficult week and realizing that something has become the normal pattern in your home.

Maybe you keep meaning to pray with your children, but you rarely do. Maybe your child has started asking harder questions about faith, and you find yourself changing the subject because you aren't sure how to answer. Perhaps church has become the primary place your children hear anyone talk about God. Or maybe your family is doing many good things, but you've realized that you're so busy getting everyone where they need to go that there isn't much room left for meaningful conversation.

That's worth noticing, because we can't be intentional about something we aren't paying attention to. You don't need another reason to feel guilty. Christian parents carry enough unnecessary guilt already.

Daniel paid attention. He looked honestly at what was happening, and then he turned toward God.

Our First Instinct Is Usually to Fix It

I am a teacher. Give me a problem and I immediately start thinking about what we can do about it. Parents do this too.

We decide we're going to start family devotions every night. We're buying the devotional book. Everyone is getting a Bible. We're creating a new bedtime routine.

Monday goes beautifully, Tuesday is questionable, and by Thursday, someone is crying and nobody can find the devotional book.

The problem isn't that routines are bad. Good routines can be very helpful, especially for children. Daniel reminds us, though, that our first move matters.

Before we build the new routine, we need to turn toward God.

“Lord, this is where we're struggling.”

That is a very different starting place from, “I need to get better at this.”

One begins with dependence on God. The other can turn into another standard we're trying to meet on our own.

Start Where Your Family Is

If family Bible time hasn't been part of your home, you don't need to announce a new 30-minute nightly Bible study. Read a verse together, then talk about it.

If mornings are frantic, don't force a morning devotional because somebody told you Christian families should start their day that way. Pray together in the car.

If your tween asks you a question about God and you don't know the answer, say so. There is nothing spiritually inadequate about admitting you don't know. You are showing your child that Christians don't have to pretend to know everything. We know where to go for truth, and we are willing to keep learning.

The same principle applies when you realize that you have become distracted. Sometimes the first change needed in our homes is something we need to do, not something our children need to do.

Perhaps you've been trying to teach your children to spend time with God while your own Bible has remained closed most of the week. You don't need to hide that or make a dramatic promise to do better. Open it today and turn toward God.

This Is How Faith Becomes Part of a Home

Deuteronomy 6 gives parents a picture of faith being taught in the ordinary rhythm of family life. God's people were told to talk about His commands at home, while traveling, when lying down, and when getting up.

God was meant to be part of the conversation as life happened. Our children learn from the formal things we teach them, and they also watch how faith functions in our real lives. They notice when we pray about something that worries us. They hear us thank God when something good happens. They see whether Scripture has anything to say about the decisions we make. They watch what we do when we realize we were wrong.

And yes, they see what happens when we get distracted and have to begin again.

Your children learn a lot from that last one. They do not need to grow up believing that faithful Christians never struggle with consistency. They need to learn what faithful Christians do when they realize they have drifted: we turn back.

Daniel saw clearly where God's people were, and he turned toward the Lord.

If you've realized there is an area where your family's spiritual life has slowly been pushed aside, you don't have to overhaul your entire home tonight. Name the area, bring it to God, then take the next faithful step. Tomorrow, you can take another one.

Something to Think About

Where has faith become less intentional in your family than you want it to be?

Don't make a five-step improvement plan yet. Spend some time talking to God about that one area first, then ask Him to show you what faithfulness could look like in the ordinary life of your family.

Prayer

Father, You know my family better than I do. Show me where we have become distracted or inconsistent, and give me wisdom to know what needs my attention. Help me lead my children toward You without turning faith into another task on our schedule. Teach me to seek You first and to faithfully bring Your truth into the ordinary moments we share. In Jesus' name, amen.